For Real Things I Know

Why Stay In An Abusive Relationship

2009-04-14T10:53:00.000-07:00

Anyone who shakes their head in disbelief at someone staying in an abusive relationship should read this: Why Do They Stay? As one of the commenters said, "While I've read a number of articles that provided an intellectual framework for understanding abusive relationships, this is the first that gave me a gut-level understanding that 'there but for the grace of God go I'."

Bonnie Bassler: The secret, social lives of bacteria

2009-04-08T10:07:00.001-07:00

Ramble

2009-04-01T18:31:00.000-07:00

See, I read all over that you're not supposed to write or text or blah, blah, blah, when you're intoxicated.

This is a public world now.

Yeah, yeah, someone could look at this tomorrow or years from now and say, "AHA! Look at what a fool you were!" But, c'mon, I'm a big enough fool that I'm gonna do enough foolish shit that this isn't going to be the worst of it.

So, yeah, I'm intoxicated. Tonight, on cherry wine from a little winery called Pentamere Winery in Tecumseh, MI. [which I should probably link to just for the etiquette of it all, but frankly linking isn't as fun as typing when I'm drunk.] [Now, if I was high on pot, that would be different, then I would find the most mundane things interesting. But I'm not. . . . sigh... I haven't been high on pot for a long, long time. Damn responsible parenthood! :) ]

Now, I do feel a need to explain that I don't usually get drunk on wine, and I don't usually drink cherry wine. In fact, I blame the fact that it's cherry wine on my getting drunk. Pentamere makes a few actual wines and then two fruit wines, an apple and a cherry. Now, I'm sure the cherry wine is fine cherry wine and all, but there's a reason why grapes have the position they do in the world of alcohols; complexity, nuance, varietal differences that are AMAZING... cherry wine tastes like, well, cherries. Nothing wrong with cherries, but I don't want to think about them, I just want to drink them. That's why I couldn't buy the apple wine, it was fucking apple juice. I mean, it was good apple juice, but I would have chugged the whole bottle. If something isn't rich or complex or ponderable when I eat it, and just tasty, then I want to eat a lot of it, in big bites or drinks.

So... damn cherry wine... it was tasty, now I'm drunk.

I like being drunk. As long as I don't get all weepy or think too much, I'm a pretty fucking happy drunk. It really breaks down those social barriers that I have left inside; those defenses that have hardened like arteries as they've aged. And since I'm a pretty happy person inside, when the social barriers go down... tah dah! Happy drunk!!!

I wish I had more alcohol really. Not enough to get wasted, but enough to keep the buzz.... Oh, wait. I have rum! (from Thailand, I think)

I'm back.

Why'd I start this? If I had just wrote what I was thinking of when I started, I wouldn't have forgotten... but a couple glasses of cherry wine and a swig of warm-tummy rum later... can't really remember why I started typing.

It could have had something to do with work. That's what I think about a lot. Well, I think about food a lot. Not eating it, just food. I think about food. When I see a piece of food, I start comparing it. I compare it to other foods that are just like it. "hmmm... cherry wine... wonder how this compares to other cherry wines... how's it compare to the taste of a cherry... how do different varieties of cherry taste... what flavors of the cherry only come out because of alchohol vs. what flavors only come out because of the process by which the wine was created... how does the process affect the final flavor... what could I do with this, how could I cook with it, what could I add to it to make it different, what could I add it to to improve a dish or a drink... and i think and i think and i think.

And nothing in the world, not cheese or wine or miso or anything makes me think as much as olive oil makes me think. I love olive oil. Olive oil makes me think, it draws out questions upon questions upon questions... they just never stop.

There's this thing called Cha Cha, it's an 800# that you can call and ask ANY QUESTION to, and they'll send you a text with the answer. Free. All you have to pay for is the text messages that you receive (which have a little ad attached to them.) I get unlimited texts through my plan, so I'm having a ball with it. It hasn't gotten an olive oil question right once, though. It's gotten close, very "what the layman might think" in it's responses. But in the scheme of things, just plain wrong; and I won't bore you with examples of it's olive oil ignorance, because almost everyone is olive oil ignorant--it's not Cha Cha's fault. It might get wine answer right more often since there might be some people knowledgeable about wine answering the questions instead of people saying, "What the fuck, another olive oil question?"
The number is 1-800-2CHACHA and it really is free.

I will let you know the questions I've asked it so far, though, so you can know what it got wrong:
"What's the chemical that causes the burning in the back of your throat with olive oil?"
"What are the main 3 or 4 olives used in the region of Puglia in Italy for their olive oil?"
"What month is late harvest olive oil picked in Provence, France?"
"What is the earliest month of the year you can harvest olives for olive oil?"

That was a ramble, wasn't it?

Kamal Meattle: How to grow your own fresh air

2009-03-22T06:07:00.001-07:00

Romantic Comedies Destroy Relationships

2009-03-22T04:58:00.001-07:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/edinburgh_and_east/7784366.stm

A study blames romantic comedies for ruining marriages and giving people unrealistic expectations. "They found fans of films such as Runaway Bride and Notting Hill often fail to communicate with their partner."

One of the expectation that changes is, "he should know what i'm talking about or what i'm concerned about without me telling them."

The university's Dr Bjarne Holmes said: "Marriage counsellors often see couples who believe that sex should always be perfect, and if someone is meant to be with you then they will know what you want without you needing to communicate it.

"We now have some emerging evidence that suggests popular media play a role in perpetuating these ideas in people's minds.

"The problem is that while most of us know that the idea of a perfect relationship is unrealistic, some of us are still more influenced by media portrayals than we realise."

Dan Ariely: Why we think it's OK to cheat and steal (sometimes)

2009-03-19T03:43:00.001-07:00

Fascinating

Gervais + Elmo = Hilarity on 'Sesame Street'

2009-03-13T20:26:00.001-07:00

Outtakes... hilarious

Incantos Foie Gras letter

2009-03-11T04:32:00.000-07:00

http://www.incanto.biz/letters_-_shock_and_foie.html

In recent years, the attention focused on this issue has caused many of those who enjoy eating foie gras to regard it as a guilty pleasure. We do not. We believe that dispassionate examination of the practices of the handful of small American foie gras producers supports the conclusion that their methods are neither cruel nor inhumane

...

Much of the outrage being stirred up over foie gras production centers around the practice of gavage, the use of a funnel inserted into the duck's esophagus to force-feed grain to the duck over the final 15-21 days of its life. Those who oppose gavage assert that the ducks choke, vomit, and suffer greatly because of this process. This sounds reasonable. After all, how would you like to have a tube stuffed down your throat three times a day?However, this approach is the crux of the problem with an argument meant to play upon human empathy: it anthropomorphizes an animal whose physiology is fundamentally different than ours. Ducks and geese are waterfowl. Their digestive tracts evolved to accommodate swallowing of whole fish, the occasional amphibian, and rocks for the gizzard to assist in digestion. They lack a gag reflex and their esophagus is lined not with the delicate mucus membrane found in humans, but a thick cuticle. Their windpipe opens in the middle of their tongue and they do not breathe using an abdominal diaphragm as humans do. Air passes through air sacs located in the upper torso, prior to entering the lungs. Ducks are able to breathe, even during the brief 10-15-second process of gavage. Dr. Jeanne Smith, an avian veterinarian who investigated Incanto's foie gras supplier, Sonoma Foie Gras, in 2004 testified before the California legislature that tube feeding is the medically accepted way of feeding ill or injured ducks and geese, a practice she regularly teaches her clients to perform for home care of their birds. The principal difference between the feeding she saw at Sonoma Foie Gras – compared to her clients' injured tube-fed birds – was that the foie gras ducks were unstressed by the process.

...

The only way to understand this issue is to regard it for what it truly is: naked political opportunism

...

the anti-foie gras movement is – at best – founded upon a shrewd political calculation in which the professed indignation of a few is used to harness the indifference of the many to the inherent political cowardice of elected officials, in order to achieve a desired political outcome. In essence, it's a confidence game in which participating meat-eaters, by agreeing to condemn something that they don't care about, receive the equivalent of a get-out-of-jail card, i.e., the right to feel slightly less guilty as they bite into that factory-farmed McNugget. Guilt and moral superiority are tradable currencies; the anti-foie gras camp exploits this to the hilt. And we let them

...

Our (naïve) hope is that someday our country will have a constructive dialogue about food, in a calm adult voice and considering our food systems in their full context. We hope that more people will be in a position to consider the impact their food choices have on the world. We recognize that the cynical political choice to use a wedge issue like foie gras to divide and conquer public opinion is easier, faster, and more effective at promoting a bigger cause. But it's a mistake to confuse success in a political campaign with being on the right side of an issue. If the argument against foie gras and against the consumption of meat in general boils down to "the ends don't justify the means," then for goodness sake don't prove your point by the backwards manner in which you achieve your political victory.

Psychobilly!

2009-02-27T21:13:00.000-08:00

Tiger Army? Psychobilly - A cross between punk rock and rockabilly... OMFG!

Jayhawks? Wilco?

2009-02-27T20:12:00.000-08:00

FUCK! I wish I took more time to explore music. Ryan Adams, Richard Buckner, Wilco, The Jayhawks, Uncle Tupelo, Neko Case? People/bands I've never heard of before but strike chords like few music ever does for me. There hasn't been one artist that's played so far on this Slacker station centered around The Jayhawks that I haven't enjoyed and wanted to hear everything the artist does. I am fucking blown away. I'm only listening to music because Janella went to bed early; I've got to listen to music more often.

Everything's amazing, nobody's happy

2009-02-27T10:25:00.001-08:00

"how quickly the world owes him something he knew existed only 10 seconds ago"

hat tip to The Bellman, www.thebellman.blogspot.com

Bill Clinton & Barack Obama on stage together

2008-10-29T23:54:00.000-07:00

Bill Clinton seriously stumping for Barack Obama

Wow! The best political ad I've seen

2008-10-27T11:17:00.001-07:00

I watched the entire thing and I just couldn't stop laughing after it was over. Dadaism meets politics.

Obama family about clothes (not $150K)

2008-10-23T04:50:00.001-07:00

The World's First Bionic Burger

2008-10-21T08:57:00.001-07:00

Obama Roasts McCain at Al Smith Dinner

2008-10-17T08:36:00.001-07:00

Light and funny and wonderful. A must see for those who are sick of listening to politics.

The Photoshop Effect

2008-10-02T12:55:00.001-07:00

John McCain Says HORSESH*T During the 9/26 Debate

2008-09-28T04:55:00.001-07:00

What a maroon!

2008-09-25T11:56:00.000-07:00

Watch CBS Videos Online

Jonathan Haidt: The real difference between liberals and con

2008-09-19T08:29:00.001-07:00

Worth watching, especially if you think that there's Jesusland in the U.S. south and the rest of the country... or that 2000 and 2004 elections were won by Bush because of Dumbfuckistan in the middle of the U.S.

"Psychologist Jonathan Haidt studies the five moral values that form the basis of our political choices, whether we're left, right or center. In this eye-opening talk, he pinpoints the moral values that liberals and conservatives tend to honor most."

Jack and Jackie and Family: Delilah is 1, 8-17-08

2008-09-13T20:24:00.000-07:00

Jack and Jackie and Family: Delilah is 1, 8-17-08

How To Tell People They Sound Racist

2008-07-22T09:15:00.001-07:00

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

2008-07-20T19:11:00.000-07:00

Dr. Horrible is far from horrible. Go Joss Whedon!

NOTHING is happening right now, regardless of the presence of details

2008-07-01T07:23:00.000-07:00

Cafe Talk | Talking Points Memo | TPM Community, STOP LOOKING AT THE SQUIGGLES!!!:

"He won. He won Iowa. He won 36 other states. He won the nomination, and he beat the most powerful machine in current Democratic Politics doing it.

Why do we assume, suddenly…that this man has forgotten how to run a campaign??

So what’s happening now, now that’s it’s the silly season? Now that we’re in the Veepstakes holding pattern; now that nothing’s really going to happen between now and the announcement of the Vice-Presidential nominees?

Apparently, y’all are going to freak out.

...

You do remember, that despite the five month time frame, this is a marathon, not a sprint, right?

C’mon it was BREAKING NEWS on MSNBC last week that on the night before the Unity Rally Barack and Michelle had maxed out to Hillary’s campaign. Red-banner BREAKING NEWS, the kind you get when a Airplane goes down, or someone famous sudden[ly] and tragically dies. But that’s the standard we’re messing with now. Barack and Michelle following through on easing Hillary’s campaign debt…is breaking news.
Do we really want to go there?

Nothing is happening right now, nothing (as far as the actual campaign is concerned).

Senator Obama is leading McCain by fifteen points in National Polls, as well as polls in major swing states. That and five bucks’ll buy you a gallon of gas.

The FISA Capitulation Debate has gotten toxic enough to have Glenn Greenwald of Salon and Keith Olbermann slugging it out.

Are you kidding me??"

Dried red peppercorns

2008-06-27T12:08:00.000-07:00

Seems worth investigating...

Spice Pages: Pepper (Piper nigrum, Black Peppercorns): "Dried red peppercorns are even harder to find, and are to my knowledge, only produced by one single company in Kerala (Southern India)."

Cofounder of Facebook works for Obama campaign

2008-06-27T10:44:00.000-07:00

Who knew? Chris Hughes, one of the three cofounders of Facebook, is the coordinator of online organizing for Obama. He's been working for the campaign since February of '07.

Chris Hughes (Facebook) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia:

"Hughes currently serves as a consultant for the popular site, but primarily acts as coordinator of online organizing within the Barack Obama presidential campaign on My.BarackObama.com, the campaign's online social networking website."

Bush's Pastor: James Dobson Doesn't Speak For Me

2008-06-27T06:27:00.000-07:00

Random note of the day: President Bush's pastor has a political website up, in support of Obama.

James Dobson Doesn't Speak For Me:

Dr. James Dobson recently attacked Barack Obama for a 2006 speech that Obama gave on his Christian faith. Does he speak for you?

James Dobson doesn't speak for me.
...
We are a coalition of pastors and other Christians, led by Pastor Kirbyjon Caldwell who are standing up for our Christian faith and supporting Barack Obama. We are signing in our individual capacities and not on behalf of our churches or denominations.

Lunch with Barack

2008-06-26T22:20:00.001-07:00

"Five grassroots donors shared a lunch with Barack in Muncie, Indiana and had the chance to discuss their concerns, talk about their experiences with the campaign, and share their own stories with Barack."

Machiavellian And The War of Words | The Agonist

2008-06-23T22:18:00.000-07:00

Machiavellian And The War of Words | The Agonist:

"For the past two weeks there has been a word that keeps cropping up in the talks of the Republican attack dogs and in the right leaning media types discussions of Senator Obama. I find it striking that so many of them have coincidently begun using the same word in the criticisms of the Senator. The reason that I think it is important to point out this coincidence is because they are actually code-speak for white males. The word that keeps cropping up is Machiavellian."

The Real News

2008-06-23T22:05:00.000-07:00

This internet station is really making me excited. It feels honest.

THE REAL NEWS

[link]The Real News journalist committee includes Lewis Lapham, Gore Vidal, Amy Goodman, Naomi Klein, and Howard Zinn

The deciding factor for left and right wing political identity

2008-06-17T09:41:00.000-07:00

This paragraph struck me as odd, and I had to read it four or five times before I accepted that someone feels this way, but when I see:

Personally, I'd like to see the United States remain the number one economic power in the Western Hemisphere, but this is not foreordained. If Brazil's Congress is smarter than ours, as it certainly is at the moment, we are at a huge disadvantage. It is said that democracies get the governments they deserve, which implies that Brazilians are smart enough to vote for prosperity, and Americans are not. We'll have more data in November.

I at first think it's parody. I had no idea even that someone would think that "democracies get the governments they deserve" could be used with a straight face when someone holds such right-wing political views. I guess they think they can, but,

"I’m really not interested in having yet another debate on the purpose of government so this will be my last post on the subject and you can have the last word.

[Your] views seem to me as nothing more than typical conservative dogma. "

Are you sure you’re in the right country, have you read the Bill of Rights, what do you think was really most important to some of the most brilliant political minds like Benjamin Franklin, John and Abigail Adams, Thomas Jefferson, George Washington? Prosperity or Freedom? They had prosperity, these were rich landholders, all of them. They weren't fighting because one more tax was being taken from them, no matter how you misinterpret your history. From the private writings of these people, they protected our freedoms as well as they could because they knew that people with power try to take away liberties. People with power doesn't just mean power from a political office, but corporate power. People need to be protected, and the Bill of Rights are the only words standing in the way of crushing power being used against the little man. Sometimes one wants to be a little man, producing little economically and taking little economically, or a small fish. But small fish don't want to be eaten by big fish, just because they're small, and laws help make that be the case.

Most liberals and/or Democrats feel that the purpose of our government involves a little more than just providing a Laissez-faire system.

As far as I’m concerned, providing people with the security and opportunity to succeed brings with it a hefty responsibility to give back to the system. I fully support a progressive tax rate, so no, I don’t feel “He is entitled to every single penny he has made”. ...

In regards to money grubbing, I’ve found this to be much more of a problem with conservatives and the rich than people who’re down and out. And although you won’t get much of an argument out of me over your opinion about how stupid Americans are, you raised my nationalistic hackles with your comments.

Barack Obama's Speech about Father's

2008-06-16T08:17:00.001-07:00

I'm sure he'll disappoint me someday, but I'll enjoy it while I can and hope that I'll be surprised.

Tiny piece of his speech, much of which is a paean to single mothers:
I resolved many years ago that... if I could be anything in life, I would be a good father to my girls; that if I could give them anything, I would give them that rock - that foundation - on which to build their lives. And that would be the greatest gift I could offer.
...
I say this knowing that I have been an imperfect father - knowing that I have made mistakes and will continue to make more... I say this knowing all of these things because even as we are imperfect, even as we face difficult circumstances, there are still certain lessons we must strive to live and learn as fathers....
The first is setting an example of excellence for our children - because if we want to set high expectations for them, we've got to set high expectations for ourselves.... It's up to us to set these high expectations. And that means meeting those expectations ourselves. That means setting examples of excellence in our own lives.
...
The second thing we need to do as fathers is pass along the value of empathy to our children. Not sympathy, but empathy - the ability to stand in somebody else's shoes; to look at the world through their eyes. Sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in "us," that we forget about our obligations to one another.
...
the final lesson we must learn as fathers is also the greatest gift we can pass on to our children - and that is the gift of hope.
I'm not talking about an idle hope that's little more than blind optimism or willful ignorance of the problems we face. I'm talking about hope as that spirit inside us that insists, despite all evidence to the contrary, that something better is waiting for us if we're willing to work for it and fight for it. If we are willing to believe.

John Mccain Admits He Cant Use a Computer

2008-06-15T15:00:00.001-07:00

Are you kidding me?

John McCain says, when asked whether he uses a Mac or a PC, "neither, i am an illiterate that has to rely on my wife for all of the assistance that I can get."

I think being computer-illiterate should disqualify almost anyone from being the chief executive of a company, for-profit or non-profit. We're in the information age, people!

McCain: America Established as a Christian Nation

2008-06-10T08:55:00.001-07:00

Choice quotes:
"The number one issue that is in the selection... of the President of the United States is will this person carry on in the Judeo-Christian principle-tradition that has made this nation the greatest experiment in the history of mankind.

"The constitution established the United States of America as a Christian nation."

McCain's YouTube Problem Just Became a Nightmare

2008-06-05T10:58:00.001-07:00

Bad habits from a neighbors a couch

2008-05-21T06:30:00.000-07:00

At so young of an age, Delilah has already succumbed to the allure of wine and cigarettes. :)

Delilah outranks cats - Yarn

2008-05-21T06:11:00.000-07:00

Perhaps the harshest reality for the cats is that Delilah is allowed to play with things that they are never allowed to play with.

Kid's songs and videos from Youtube

2008-05-15T09:10:00.001-07:00

The sheer volume of great classic kid's songs available online is mindboggling. I'm immersed in Electric Company videos right now, but saw "Put Down the Duckie" and was quite excited.

Here's the playlist so far:

First Day of Delilah Crawling

2008-04-29T20:08:00.000-07:00

Change of Mind

2008-04-28T21:00:00.000-07:00

For the longest, longest time I held this as one of my favorite quotes and a piece of my general philosophy of life: "Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks!"

More and more, this idea of "lingering desire" is what I now think I want to learn:
IDEAS IN FOOD: "Thankfully we left before I could get out of control ordering more dishes and changing the experience from one of pleasure and lingering desire to one of gluttony and excess."

Hedwig gives Delilah a bath

2008-04-27T21:22:00.000-07:00

My olive oil loving Delilah

2008-04-27T20:03:00.000-07:00

Obama Responds to McCain and Clinton attacks in Terre Haute

2008-04-11T21:58:00.001-07:00

Here's a 4 minute clip from a speech that Barack Obama was giving in Terre Haute, Indiana last night that I think will shed some light on why I like this guy. What I like most about the clip is when he analyzes why people vote about guns or about gay marriage rather than about economic issues.

SPANKING CHILDREN: PRO OR CON

2008-04-09T21:52:00.000-07:00

For the last time in my life, I have clicked some link out of curiosity which said "Spanking: Pro or Con." (And no, I'm not including the link, since I don't want to add to its Google Pagerank, but it was on Slate.com.) I clicked it out of the same habit which brings me to read PowerLineBlog or other ultra-conservative blogs, to glimpse the thinking of people who have arrived at philosophies of life much different than my own. This habit of mine often leaves me annoyed or irritated, but occasionally provides me with new insight. Hell, it's also brought me in contact with some of my favorite authors and fundamentally shaped my beliefs: Nikki Giovanni was explored because a strong, female, black activist from the 60s who was not non-violent seemed remarkably outside my realm of experience--and became my favorite poet. Well, no more in regard to spanking; it's no longer a theoretical exploration. I have a daughter.

Am I pro or con?

Moo.

As I read the very reasonable person who might as well have been my parents trying to explain how spanking was okay and could be measured and precise and non-emotional and merely used as consequence and not in the same category as abuse, I wanted to take this man aside and explain to him the lies his sons and daughters will tell him as life goes on.

First, this whole argument of pro-spankers that spanking isn't in the same category as beating your children or punching them in the face is a straw man. Of course it's not, and it's not in the category of molesting them or vehicular manslaughter or drowning puppies. Wasting one's time with that argument is ridiculous, and I'm not going there. Spanking is all I'm talking about, the slapping of a child with one's hand so as to create pain, once or over a series of slaps, necessarily accompanied by postures or gestures of submission like bending over a chair or over a parent's knee or while being held still.

I don't want what follows to imply that I had a hard and painful childhood or that kids who are spanked necessarily have a hard childhood; I didn't and most kids probably don't. I also don't want to imply that all kids felt as I felt--I was a pretty introspective kid, with a rich internal dialogue about my own feelings that I didn't share with anyone.

The lie that you and your child will share, both of you willingly--really wanting to believe it--is that he's not scared of you. For my entire childhood (well, after 7 years old--I don't have any memories before that) I was scared of my father and my mother. I've never written that down before and it'll probably shock my parents if they read this. C'est la vie, that's life; I have a little girl now and need to really understand my own childhood in order to be the best parent that I can be.

So.

For as long as I can remember during my childhood I've loved my mom and dad and also been scared of them.

I was both obedient and disobedient as a child. Not disobedient a lot, but sometimes, I lied on occasion, not a lot; not always caught, but some; and was spanked when that occurred. No anger, with explanation, with warnings, consistent in execution, sometimes by my mom and mostly by my dad. I don't remember the ages, exactly, but certainly throughout my elementary school years.

I'm sure that my infrequent spankings served to shape my obedience, my behavior, my manners, all sorts of good things that society and the children and adults around me could appreciate. But I was scared of being spanked. Irrationally so. It was a fear that went way deep down inside. It was an irrational fear that I always had; some days it may have disappeared way into the background, maybe even for a week or a month, but it was always there, just eating at me. It was a fear that really shaped the way I saw my mother and my father. They were not just people who loved me, and people who I loved, but people who would cause me pain and ask me to submit willingly to it.

I'm not defending the fear. It was irrational. Why would a kid be rational. Kids blame themselves for their parents' divorces. Kids aren't rational. I also had a fear of a monster under my bed, and in my closet. Not rational. I also superstitiously jumped over cracks in the sidewalk. Not rational. But the fear of a monster under my bed, the fear of an overly dark room, the avoidance of a sidewalk crack, none of my other fears and foibles involved being afraid of my parents.

And I would have lied straight to their face if they ever asked me, "are you afraid of me?" They would have never gotten the truth out of me, it was a truth that was filled with shame and embarrassment, humiliation and anger, fear and regret, a truth that I would only occasionally give voice to in my own inner dialogue. I would have very fiercely lied to any friend or stranger who dared to suggest it: "Of course I'm not afraid of my Mommy or Daddy! How could you even suggest that?" It was an irrational fear that I don't think ever really went away completely (I'm 39 years old now).

But it's true. And I wish I could sit down and tell whomever is on the fence about whether they should spank their child or not that they will never, never, never know what their child actually feels about them ever again as long as the child believes that you might hit them purposefully in the future. That might not dissuade someone from pursuing spanking as an option, but at least they would know what they're losing.

I know that I'm not willing to spank my daughter. I may have a disobedient, willful, anti-social child. So be it. I'll reach for whatever other tool I can out of a non-violent, gentle-discipline toolbox, even if they don't work as efficiently. I'm not willing to have my child cut off from me emotionally like I cut myself off from my parents when I was a kid.

[Sidenote: if you have spanked your child, and you want to honestly sit down with them and apologize for it and tell them you were wrong and you will never do it again, you may be able to rebuild that emotional trust--I don't know, they're kids, they're not rational. But don't give up hope that it can be rebuilt if you show honest remorse, a desire to change, and true vulnerability.]

Do you remember where you were when you heard...

2008-03-18T19:31:00.001-07:00

It's worth taking 37 minutes out of your day and listening to Barack Obama talk about Race In America.

Obama Speech: 'A More Perfect Union'

Classy. Obama Denounces Controversial Remarks

2008-03-15T23:08:00.001-07:00

Classy

Me & D

2008-03-08T21:06:00.001-08:00

Press Corps housed in men's room

2008-03-04T08:59:00.000-08:00

What does the Hillary Clinton campaign think of the press? Well, the Clinton press corps' filing room for the Texas elections today is the men's room! HAHAHAHA!

CNN has a great photo of the men's room/filing center.

"Public can still pretend to have voice in government as usual"

2008-03-03T19:29:00.000-08:00

Funny. Our shadowy puppet overlords would never be this clumsy.

Results of 2008 Election Accidentally Leaked

Happy Valentine's Day, My Love

2008-02-13T23:09:00.001-08:00

Penn of Penn & Teller surprised at Hillary joke reaction

2008-02-12T13:32:00.000-08:00

Warning - overt sexism present in joke

From Crackle: Penn Says-Hillary Clinton Joke Predicts the Future

Delilah's first taste of food

2008-02-09T08:56:00.001-08:00

Delilah's first taste (or wearing) of food, featuring avocado

Delilah weaving

2008-02-04T10:52:00.000-08:00

Delilah is learning early to help Grand Jack weave!

Delilah laughing

2008-01-20T13:49:00.001-08:00

The elusive Delilah laughter caught on video

Bathtime Delilah 1/16

2008-01-20T13:38:00.001-08:00

Political Campaign Junkie Timewaster

2008-01-08T13:45:00.000-08:00

If you're a political campaign junkie, beware of the following link, it could waste way too much of your time. Search by any occupation to find how much money and by how many people is being donated to what candidates.

Fundrace 2008 Campaign Donations - Huffington Post:
"$8,805 given by people who identified their occupation as 'Poet'.

$3,755 to Republicans $5,050 to Democrats"

California results for Obama and Clinton?

2008-01-08T09:17:00.000-08:00

THE NEW REPUBLIC | Blogs:
"if Hillary is banking on California, she may be in for a letdown. That's because California is not one of those closed primaries. Worse than that, not only do Democrats welcome indies to vote there, the California GOP closed its primaries to them.
...
[commenter] I am a volunteer poll worker in California and just did my training this weekend. As every non-affiliated voter checks in, we are trained to ask whether they want to vote in the Democratic primary or just vote on the ballot initiatives. Who shows up and then decides not to vote for President?"

Just listen - Obama's Victory Speech

2008-01-05T06:36:00.001-08:00

Just listen. It's easy enough to find his policy beliefs. But first, just listen.

Organize.

2008-01-03T11:08:00.000-08:00

I know I have a few years, but when Delilah gets too old (or I get too old) to hold on my shoulder while she sleeps, I think I may softly weep bittersweet tears.

Myths about saturated fat

2007-12-24T08:38:00.000-08:00

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22116724

"While the findings from these cultures seem to contradict the fact that eating saturated fat leads to heart disease, it may surprise you to know that this "fact" isn't a fact at all. It is, more accurately, a hypothesis from the 1950s that's never been proved.

"We've spent billions of our tax dollars trying to prove the diet-heart hypothesis. Yet study after study has failed to provide definitive evidence that saturated-fat intake leads to heart disease. The most recent example is the Women's Health Initiative, the government's largest and most expensive ($725 million) diet study yet. The results, published last year, show that a diet low in total fat and saturated fat had no impact in reducing heart-disease and stroke rates in some 20,000 women who had adhered to the regimen for an average of 8 years.
But this paper, like many others, plays down its own findings..."

What is self-righteousness, and what is its effect

2007-12-20T07:52:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about self-righteousness for a while now, and quite a few people have described it as or used terms like:
"you think you're better than everyone else"
"being judgmental"
"proselytize"
"knowing what's best for everyone"

One person went so far as to say, "the concept of 'self-righteousness' is hopelessly, deeply, necessarily relative to each person's system of values"

Those were the direction of definition and connotation that I had given to the word "self-righteous" for quite a while, but while exploring the idea of self-righteousness, how it applied to me and how to effect change in myself, I was stunned by how incorrectly I interpreted the word.

I think I interpreted it incorrectly and refused to explore its real meaning because I wanted to hold onto the comeback of "No, I'm not! Look, I'm not judging you." I wanted to hold onto the idea that I wasn't self-righteous or that it was easy to change how self-righteous I was overnight--"Well, I might have been self-righteous yesterday, but I won't be tomorrow. I'll stop judging people. I won't proselytize. Etc."

The definition of self-righteous has little (nothing really, except connotatively or as a logical conclusion) to do with how one externally acts; nor does it have a meaning that changes depending upon what one's values are.

To settle on what self-righteous meant, I decided to settle on what psychologists explore when they are studying self-righteousness... and it's pretty clearly just a "confidence in the correctness of one's own morality or good character."

SELF-RIGHTEOUS: "Confidence in the correctness of one's own morality or good character"

One interesting thing that has recently been discovered (as reported in last month's issue of Journal of Applied Psychology) is how one's self-righteousness effects one's choices in ambiguously moral scenarios.

Once one agrees that confidence in one's morality is the only definition needed, then people can honestly assess their own self-righteousness (especially if you ask the question without using such a loaded word as self-righteous). Give people a scale of values to answer the question "Do you consider yourself to be a moral person?" and all the people at the high end of the scale are the ones most confident in their own morality.

What the study found was that those people who had high confidence in their own morality... well, let me quote...

Scott Reynolds and Tara Ceranic of the University of Washington said their research highlights the idea that people with exceptionally strong convictions about their moral goodness are likely to follow extreme courses of action because they can convince themselves that whatever they do is good. When the right course of action is ambiguous, they added in a paper published in the November issue of the Journal of Applied Psychology, such people are likely to gravitate to opposite ends of a range of behaviors. When there is wide social consensus that something is wrong, they tend to conform to social norms.

When the researchers tested their hypothesis on managers who were asked to make a judgment call involving a conscientious employee who needed to go home early one day, they found that the managers who believed most strongly that they were good people came to extreme conclusions: They either let the employee off for the rest of the day with full pay, or insisted the employee stay and work full hours. The managers who did not think they were particularly good people tended to reach moderate conclusions: They had the employee finish some work and then leave early.

In my exploration of the concept of righteousness (usually seen as a positive) and self-righteousness (usually seen as a negative), it was referenced in a lot of religious contexts (I know, what a surprise). One of my favorite definitions of self-righteousness, though, was from that context, and it was simply, "Self-righteousness is defining our rightness by what we do not do. That's self-righteousness. When you measure your rightness by what you don't do, your rightness is coming at the expense of someone else."

First Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Ann Arbor - Newcomer Frequently Asked Questions

2007-12-17T08:38:00.000-08:00

I must say, this is looking very attractive to me right now as I'm craving to be a part of a community outside of work and kind of dreading the amorphous "playgroup" community. I want to have a community of adults that might talk about children or might talk about food, but won't necessarily have either of those as their principal interests. I's also like to have a community of parents around me who have older children and experience that I can draw from. The playgroup crowd I look forward to as a body of commiseration and sharing, the way I enjoy being among a bunch of foodies, but I want a larger pool of people, of diverse interests. With a membership over 700, this may fit the bill.

First Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Ann Arbor - Newcomer Frequently Asked Questions:
"We have people at First UU with many different beliefs and backgrounds: Christian, Jewish, Humanist, Agnostic, Atheist, Buddhist, Taoist, Theist, Muslim, Hindu, and Earth-centered – as well as some who follow more than one of these paths."

Criteria for selecting the true church

2007-12-17T08:05:00.000-08:00

This is just one of the best quotes I've read in a long, long time; it just slapped me upside the head. I was led here by a very offensuve anti-Mormon propaganda video series that made me look up LDS on my favorite religion website, www.religioustolerance.org, which, as it is often wont to do, led me into a series of random essays about religions.

Criteria for selecting the true church:
"If Christians really could have assessed the will of God [through prayer], the original conflicts between Jewish Christians and Pauline Christians in the first century CE -- and the thousands of conflicts since -- would have been resolved, and there would have been only a single Christian church throughout history."

Ducky down!

2007-12-13T09:45:00.000-08:00

That poor ducky didn't stand a chance.

Sigh

2007-12-13T09:42:00.000-08:00

All of that prepregnancy, biking weight loss... gone! @#$@#$%

Well worth the tradeoff, though. Now, back to the treadmill.

Santa Claus

2007-12-13T08:40:00.000-08:00

This also illustrates to me that the belief has little to do with what the parents say, and that even outright saying "not real" doesn't mean much. This is a societal myth.

santa claus - Page 3 - MotheringDotCommune Forums: "I also felt lied to as a kid about Santa, so decided long before having kids that I wouldn't pretend he was real. Really, I think there are LOTS of reasons not to do Santa, and I could never do it. That said, my four-year-olds completely believe in the guy. This is despite the fact that we've told them it's just a story people like to tell/a game people like to play. This is despite the neighbor kids telling them, 'you know Santa's not real, it's just your parents.' This is despite the fact that they've never been given a gift 'from Santa,' and that we don't even celebrate Christmas. Their best friends believe in Santa, so they do too. They tell us that we're wrong, that Santa *does* bring them presents, and that we've just been tricked into thinking that we got the presents (we give them presents on the solstice). LOL. What more is there for us to say? We certainly aren't going to play the Santa game, but if they want to believe in him, I don't think there's any way for us to stop them. We'll just have to wait until they're old enough to realize how he's logistically impossible."

Santa Claus

2007-12-13T08:22:00.000-08:00

I like this perspective as well. It turns it from an outright lie into a secret to share and a myth to help create. That seems like a way to make a transition into "there is no Santa Claus" more positive.

santa claus - Page 2 - MotheringDotCommune Forums: "As for Santa, it was like a Rite of Passage when his true nature was revealed to me. I felt honored that I was old enough now to be trusted with this secret, and to be a part of creating that myth for children younger than me."

Santa Claus

2007-12-13T08:10:00.000-08:00

This is how I feel about Santa Claus nowadays:

santa claus - MotheringDotCommune Forums: "[my son] recently asked me if machines and cars might really be Transformers from another planet. I didn't tell him yes or no. I asked what he thought and he told me that, since he's pretty sure there are aliens out there (I agree), there might be Transformers on Earth. He clearly wants to embrace this possibility and I did not affirm or deny -- just told him that nobody really knows what sort of other life exists out there in the universe. Humans don't know everything so I think it's perfectly fine for my 5-y-o to posit some of his own theories and try them on for size. Now, if he still believes that our dishwasher is Optimus Prime in hiding when he's 30, that could be problematic! Lol."

U.S. Is No Haven, Canadian Judge Finds - New York Times

2007-12-10T08:16:00.000-08:00

U.S. Is No Haven, Canadian Judge Finds - New York Times:

"Late last month, a federal judge in Canada ruled that the United States had violated international conventions on torture and the rights of refugees.
...
There was a sound legal reason for Justice Phelan to be addressing American practices and policies. The case concerned a 2002 agreement between the United States and Canada on the treatment of people fleeing persecution from other places, and the agreement itself requires compliance with international conventions on refugees and torture.
Under the deal, which became effective three years ago this month, people from other countries entering Canada from the United States by land could no longer ask for asylum, on the theory that they should have done so in the United States. (The agreement works in reverse, too, but most refugee traffic moves north.)
You get one bite at the asylum apple, the agreement says, because you will get a fair shake in either country.
But the deal, known as the Safe Third Country Agreement, sets conditions based on the international conventions, and Justice Phelan said the United States had in recent years not lived up to them. He acknowledged that an English court had turned back a similar challenge to American refugee policy in 2000. But things have changed since the Bush administration came to power, Justice Phelan said, and the reasons given in the English decision “clearly relate to a different time.”
Justice Phelan declared the 2002 agreement invalid."

Dual hats

2007-12-05T08:26:00.000-08:00

Even larger

2007-12-05T08:23:00.000-08:00

Eyelashes

2007-12-05T08:20:00.000-08:00

Freaky picture, I understand... but look at those eyelashes!

Delilah using two hands 2

2007-12-03T16:23:00.003-08:00

Delilah using two hands

2007-12-03T16:23:00.001-08:00

Morning Life

2007-12-02T07:36:00.000-08:00

Delilah sucking her lip 2

2007-12-02T07:25:00.003-08:00

Delilah sucking her lip 2

2007-12-02T07:25:00.001-08:00

Delilah sucking her lip 1

2007-12-02T07:15:00.001-08:00

One of Delilah's new quirks

Delilah touching a toy

2007-11-30T20:38:00.001-08:00

Delilah leaning

2007-11-30T15:42:00.003-08:00

Delilah and Mom typing

2007-11-30T15:42:00.001-08:00

Delilah leaning

2007-11-30T14:12:00.003-08:00

Delilah and Mom typing

2007-11-30T14:12:00.001-08:00

Facebook invades users privacy in unwarranted manner

2007-11-29T18:42:00.000-08:00

Matt in New York already knows what his girlfriend got him for Christmas...

Why? Because a new Facebook feature automatically shares books, movies, or gifts you buy online with everyone you know on Facebook. Without your consent, it pops up in your News Feed--a huge invasion of privacy. (See demo below.)

CAN YOU SIGN THE PETITION TO FACEBOOK TODAY? THEN INVITE FRIENDS TO THIS GROUP!

Petition: "Facebook must respect my privacy. They should not tell my friends what I buy on other sites—or let companies use my name to endorse their products—without my explicit permission."

Sign here:
http://civ.moveon.org/facebookprivacy/?rc=fb_privacy

Then, tell your friends about this group. Click here to invite all of your friends:
http://www.facebook.com/editgroup.php?members&gid=5930262681

Delilah working with Mom

2007-11-29T13:24:00.000-08:00

Delilah burrito

2007-11-29T13:21:00.000-08:00

Delilah standing and talking

2007-11-29T13:12:00.001-08:00

Tummy time standing up

2007-11-26T14:50:00.001-08:00

Delilah on her playmat

2007-11-26T13:59:00.001-08:00

Thanks to her Grandpa Davis, a working computer exists again to enhance sharing of Delilah for the enjoyment of all.

frustrating news

2007-11-03T21:03:00.000-07:00

I don't know when or how I'll be uploading more pictures or videos. Though my camera is working beautifully, my computer has become fried and I don't see a new computer being affordable anytime soon. I can post text and surf the net because my Treo works well for that, but doesn't have a USB connection for my camera.

My apologies to the grandparents; let you know when things change.

Immunizations

2007-10-28T07:52:00.000-07:00

Here's the best article I've found so far that actually dissects the research of an anti-immunization proponent. For the sake of balance, here's her rebuttal. It's hard to take the rebuttal very seriously since the style of it is so much less legitimate (I mean, who in the hell seriously reaches to the Greek etymological roots of the word pharmaceutical to question it?), but I don't know what more to expect from the 1997 winner of the Australian Skeptics Bent Spoon Award. "The Bent Spoon Award is an award given by Australian Skeptics, 'presented to the perpetrator of the most preposterous piece of paranormal or pseudoscientific piffle.'"

It is difficult for me not to become outraged at the lies that are told and the blatantly dishonest manipulation of statistics in all the anti-immunization literature I've read to date (can't say all, since I haven't read it all and am getting sick of reading it). I'm also getting sick of the word "research" being thrown around by people who don't seem to be able to understand how to approach a hypothesis.

Delilah's changing table part 2

2007-10-28T07:14:00.001-07:00

If Google ever charged me for the privilege of sharing my photos and videos of my new daughter with her extended family, then they'd really put me in a rough spot--it would hurt not to share them like this. How long can this free trough last and how much will it cost when it's over?

Delilah's changing table part 1

2007-10-28T07:09:00.001-07:00

A tour of Delilah's favorite spot in the house

Delilah and Janella under mobile

2007-10-28T07:08:00.001-07:00

So much more attentiveness exists now, with hands hitting objects 10% of the time. Exciting to watch. It's also beautiful and inspiring to watch my wife become a mother. I'm such a fortunate and blessed man.

One of Delilah's first cooing sessions

2007-10-23T10:23:00.000-07:00

This was taken on October 8.

Snuffly noses

2007-09-28T03:42:00.000-07:00

Three days of baby uninterrupted sleep end as Delilah develops her first snuffly nose. Coupled with my new privilege of helping Mom by feeding at night from bottled breastmilk, I've had a couple of my worst sleep days. But the worst of sleeps doesn't change that one of my favorite times is becoming our 6:00am mornings, as my daughter sleeps in my arms so that Mom can get a good morning's sleep.

Happy Delilah

2007-09-24T09:27:00.000-07:00

Delilah 5+ weeks

2007-09-24T09:25:00.000-07:00

Easier to fall asleep

2007-09-17T02:19:00.000-07:00

I used to take an hour or so after my head hit the pillow before I fell asleep. Insomnia? I guess, hard to self-diagnose. My cure, however, was to have a baby. I might not get as much sleep nowadays because of how early I have to get up now to watch her so her mom can get a patch of solid sleep, but the second I get into bed I'm in dreamland. I'll appreciate the benefits I get.

Real time slideshow of bloggers' uploaded photos

2007-09-14T20:41:00.000-07:00

Strangely compelling and fascinating.

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